A drunk stumbles along to a baptismal service down by the river on Sunday afternoon. He walks into the water, and stands next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, “ Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?”. The drunk looks back and says, “Yes, preacher … I sure am”. The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.

“Have you found Jesus?”, the preacher asked. “Nooo, I didn't”, said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, “Now, brother, have you found Jesus?”.

“Noooo, I did not Reverend, gasps the drunk”. The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least thirty seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, “Good lord man, have you not found Jesus yet?”.

The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, NOOO … are you sure this is where he fell in?.

D

Adam was walking in the garden of Eden when he met God coming the other way. “How are you, Lord?” he asked. “Me? I'm perfect!” the Lord replied, “how about you?”. “Well … to be honest ... I'm just a tad lonely …” Adam told God uncertainly. God seemed confused. “Why would you be lonely, child? You have the garden, as much food as you can eat, the animals to name, and you get to be with me!”. “That's all true Lord, but I have no real companion” said Adam. There was a long pause in which God seemed slightly put out. Adam waited patiently.

“Okay, Adam, here's what I'll do — I'll create you a perfect companion to share your existence”, said God finally. “That sounds great, Lord! What will she be like?” answered Adam excitedly. “She will be perfect. Together you will become one, completing each other. She will cook and clean for you, but never complain. She'll bear your children but never expect you to get up in the night and look after them. She will never nag, but instead she'll give you all the love you could ever need.” God finished and looked expectantly at Adam. However, Adam looked worried.

“What will this cost me Lord?” he asked cannily. “Child, this gift is not cheap. To be honest it will cost you an arm and a leg” the Lord admitted.

Adam thought about this.

“Okay, Lord, what would I get for a rib?”.

Disclaimer: Please bear in mind that everything on this page is meant entirely tongue in cheek.

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